In my opinion…

This store is called fresh attractions, but almost everything in the store is pre-packaged and full of artificial ingredients.

We were going to call this journal entry, Only in America, after several items in our travels within the states caught our eyes. Take for example, the picture above of a store that is called Fresh Attractions, yet the only items in the store that are actually fresh are a few oranges and apples in a couple lower baskets to the right of the cashier. We think the store is fine, it is just that the name of the store does not match its contents.

Perhaps we have been overseas too long, but when we lived in Donetsk, Ukraine, we became accustomed to stores with names that were perhaps a bit more consistent with reality. For example, one of our favorite little restaurants was called Three Fat Guys (or as our Australian friend called it, Three Fat Blokes). A grocery store we sometimes shopped at was called The Glutton. Two plus-size clothing stores were called Three Whales and Russian Sizes. When we see a sign that says Fresh Attractions, we think the store should have more fresh stuff in it… otherwise, just be honest and name it something like An Apple and an Orange.

As Americans, we don’t think about the ethnic jokes that the world might be telling about us. As a kid, I often read Mad Magazine and in one particular issue, they featured “American Jokes” as told in other countries. For example: “What do you call an American manufacturer that guarantees his products 100%?” Answer: “Bankrupt!” So when I saw a rat trap at a Home Depot making the amazing claim that their rat trap has a 100% kill rate, I was seriously impressed. That is a bold claim. So I picked up the box and looked a little closer and was concerned to find an asterisk located right after the kill rate claim. I had to turn the box over to see what the asterisk was about. As you’ll see in the next picture, the rat trap doesn’t kill all rats. Here’s what it said, “*If used as directed, with fully charged batteries and rodent fully committed to trap.”

Well that is one dandy of a caveat! This trap is only for those rats that are committed. They are focused and motivated. These aren’t the rats laying on the couch, watching TV and playing video games in their parent’s basement. This trap recruits only the best and the brightest. Only in America are we selective in the rats we eliminate… at least, in my opinion.

Americans like to pretend that caffeine is not a drug. So we drink lots of coffee, coke, and Mountain Dew. We like caffeine so much that sometimes we even put it in our root beer (like Barq’s). We add it to our drinks even though it makes our drinks more bitter. Don’t believe it? Try sucking on a caffeine pill. Yuck!

Add an extra 40 mg of caffeine to your coffee with STōK® caffeine shot!

Every great now and then, someone even dies of too much caffeine, but we don’t let that phase us. We can even get an extra fix of caffeine from the makers of STōK.

This isn’t for everybody as the warning on the top of every dose tells us. I’m caffeine sensitive, so I’ll take a pass. Pregnant men and women should not be adding these to their coffee, and young people under the age of 18 shouldn’t have these, so whatever you do… KEEP THESE OUT OF THE REACH OF PEOPLE UNDER 18!!! Unless you happen to offer them to your clients at the local Arco AM/PM (or maybe Seven Eleven, Circle K, etc.) alongside the coffee creamers. At least, that’s my take on it.

Now you may think we are picking on America a bit much and you are probably right. So, I made a meme of something I saw just around the corner from us in Ukraine. It is becoming increasingly important culturally to clean up after your dog leaves a mess in the park or elsewhere. This is a great trend and we are happy to see it gather momentum. Most signs are directed toward the dog owner, but sometimes it isn’t really clear. So we have two pictures that illustrate the wrong way and the right way to post signs regarding the matter. Who is to say one way is right and the other wrong? Well… I guess I am.

This is obviously the wrong way to communicate expectations.

The sign below is the perfect example of how to post a sign for optimal results.

This is the perfect example of how to post a sign for optimal results. The sign reads, “The Lawn is not a dog’s toilet.

So this page is full of really random stuff and a lot of dry humor and some jr. high humor. Have you seen anything that has tickled your funny bone. Let us know in the comment section below. We’d love to hear from you.

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